Grandkids playing Candyland With Gaga (Connie)
Happy New Years everyone,
Michelle and I weren’t home for the holidays this time.
Fortunately, Mom and Dad were surrounded with their loving kids and grandkids quite a lot.
My sister Mia wrote a beautiful post to catch everyone up on what’s happening with Mom. It’s still going at a one-step-forward-half-a-step-backwards pace.
The love and support around Mom and Dad are immeasurable. And hope persists.
Here’s from Mia:
Growing up, Christmas was always extra magical in the Starmer house. And it wasn't because the lights on the tree twinkled and blinked rhythmically; nor was it because Mom built a porcelain decorative snow village that grew to be so big that she contracted a 5' x 3' piece of plywood as the foundation; nor was it the cookies we'd bake or the candles we'd wrap to secretly bring over to neighbors or the thoughtful design of the outside lights. Christmas was so special because Mom would start planning her Christmas concert in September - and with it, the excitement of the holidays had a slow and momentous build! Any of us kids -- and Dad too! -- would recommend songs and help Mom think through the production of the ever-epic annual Smith School concert. Mom was the coolest music teacher. She'd pull from the Beatles, Tom Chapin, Simon and Garfunkel, and the Celtic Women (to name a few). My favorite, one year, was Our House by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young -- and I heard it just before our flight landed in Syracuse this year. We were so lucky to grow up surrounded by harmonies and melodies, rhythm and blues.
This December, Heidi Shelley, the current Smith School music teacher, arranged and conducted "Soup" by John McCutcheon and dedicated it to Mom before her kiddos began singing. I'm so glad Heidi shared this video clip with us (but the website is having trouble loading the video on this page. very sorry). Her student's crushed it with the same December-excitement that I remember Mom's student's having. And man, did this December smell like winter at our house, too <3
I know you are here for the update on Mom and not the walk down memory lane, so I appreciate you humoring me until now.
My family and I arrived in Central New York on December 11th and stayed through January 1st. We saw a lot of the highs and lows with Mom during the three weeks we were in town. Sometimes she was really chatty and full of stories and memories. Other times, she was very soft spoken and observant, taking it all in, or maybe just lost in thought. My two boys brought their Gaga some games to play at Cayuga Ridge, and we had a blast playing Candy Land early on in the trip. We had a manicure day (and my little one Everett joined in on the nail painting!). And then for Christmas, Mom's two oldest grandchildren, Ellie and Oliver, designed a basket of skin care goodies for Mom to have by her bedside. We celebrated Christmas with Mom a few days early, and she was dressed up for the occasion. She got the coziest purple blanket from Jake, Mindy, and Ellie (and she's been cuddled up in it every time we've seen her since!!). She also got an Ithaca College School of Music sweatshirt from Luka and Michelle -- one of those thick college sweatshirts that just beg to be worn when it's cold and snowy. And my favorite? Her good friend gifted her RBG socks!
Christmas Day was a bit of an unexpected twist. Cayuga Ridge arranged for Mom to be medically transported to the Cayuga Medical Center. They were worried she had an infection -- which they were spot on. She did. And Cayuga Ridge caught it so quickly, and we were both impressed and extremely grateful. The infection needed some careful monitoring and IV antibiotics, so she spent a few days at Cayuga Medical Center and got back to Cayuga Ridge on New Years Eve, all cozy and ready to ring in 2025.
Whenever we'd go see mom, we'd share pictures of the kids' adventures, tell her stories from our trip (we visited her hometown near Lake George!), and share memories. Sometimes she was up to talk about all of it and sometimes she just wanted to be a listener. Her medical team -- every last one of them! -- are so encouraging and helpful. They're working hard with Mom to help her build her strength, organize her thoughts, retrieve her memories, and find stable ground. And the biggest MVP of all of this is Dad, who is collecting the miles between Cortland and Ithaca to be with mom every day. They read together, listen to music, watch movies, talk about the grandkids, and even share meals (she loves tapioca pudding that dad brings her). Dad is crushing it as her rock and as ours.
Folks are asking about ways to be helpful -- and first I'll say -- on behalf of the family -- thank you thank you thank you. You ARE being helpful. The cards, the wishes, the texts, the hugs, the visits, the meals for Dad, the coffee dates, the offers to drive with him, and shoveling his driveway -- we are so grateful to have this village to support us <3 Your love languages are wrapping up our family in care and support. Thank you so, so much.
Ways to support Mom and Dad
Your "just thinking of you!!" messages are like hugs just when we need it <3 Thank you for sending those to each of us and to dad. These are more than enough, and we are so grateful you're thinking of our family.
Mom loves a short visit and Dad appreciates knowing when someone is heading up to spend some time with her. It helps, especially, on Saturdays when Dad takes the day off from driving to take care of errands and chores around the house.
For those who are bringing Dad leftovers from your dinner or doggie bags from your favorite restaurant -- he has been fully enjoying this. Shoutout to the slices of pie and winter treats. He loves those, too. Throw away containers or aluminum foil are best so he doesn't have to figure out which tops belong to which tupperware bottoms.
Anyone have a membership to the Cortland State Student Life Center? Send Dad a text and see if he'll meet you there! He's a morning gym guy -- and likes to go around 8:30/9:00. While I was home, Dad and I were going together. It's the coolest facility, and if you are a member (or you want to check it out with Dad because he can bring a guest for $5!), send Dad a message.
Thinking you might go to the CHS basketball game? Plans to go watch Cortland State men's hockey? Send dad a text and see if he'll go with you. We had a blast at CHS the weekend before Christmas watching Jeremy Milligan coach his team in a high-energy win against Skaneateles. Dad loved it! And Cortland has a rich sports culture for those cold winter evenings.
As always -- Dad, Jake, Luka, and I, along with our families, are incredibly grateful for your love and help and thoughts and good energy and check-ins. We are hopeful that the chapters in 2025 will bring more highs than lows and more stability than uncertainty.
